Having Trouble With Difficult Emotions That Keep Getting “Triggered”?
Try The Practice Of Mindful Self Inquiry
Once in awhile we all have the experience of “reacting” to something in a way that feels “over the top” in the sense that we later regret how strongly we reacted. This happens because we have an “internal trigger mechanism” within our nervous system that recognizes certain words, actions, or circumstances as being somehow “threatening. “to us. When we are threatened we act quickly and decisively to eliminate the threat, but sometimes what seems like a threat is not actually a threat. A good example would be if we once experienced a dog bite, and now we cower with fear when we see a dog. It also happens in interpersonal situations when we interact with someone, or something, and it reminds us of something in the past that scared or threatened us. Even if we don’t consciously remember what happened, the body remembers, and it does what it needs to do to keep us safe.
So, what can we do when our emotions effectively “hijack” our behavior in a way that is “over determined” and not really “justified” by the event we are witnessing or experiencing? How can we “tame” our “trigger” so that we don’t overreact?
Buddhist mediation practice gives us a “tool” to deal with this exact circumstance. Here are the steps to take:
- First recognize and name feeling you are feeling. If it is fear for example, you can say to yourself “I’m feeling fear” and maybe note that your breathing is rapid, or you palms are sweating
- After silently naming what you are feeling, adopt a compassionate attitude towards yourself. Simply put, just accept what you are feeling without judgment. It simply is.
- Thirdly, once you have calmed yourself down, and rid yourself of judgment, take some time to investigate what is actually going on. In the case of the dog, for example, you could quickly conclude that the dog is not a threat to you. It is not attacking you or even approaching you.
- Final step is to nurture yourself, which means to say compassionate words to yourself that are soothing and affirmative. Using the example of the dog, you might say to yourself, quietly, “Well of course I was scared. It makes sense. But I don’t need to be scared now”.
It’s really as simple as that.
This four-step process can be turned into the acronym “RAIN”, which is an easy way to remember it.
R….Recognize and name what you are feeling
A…Accept what you are feeling without judgment
I….Investigate what you are feeling. Is it justified?
N…Nurture yourself with soothing words and/or gestures
You may wonder if there is always enough time to employ this process when you feel inappropriately “triggered”. I think if you practice it enough you will train your nervous system to discriminate a threat that is real from one that is not.
You might also add a note of thanks to your nervous system as you recognize that it is always looking out for you. It knows intuitively when to send you a “red flag” of possible danger. Its up to you to interpret what it is trying to tell you.