Re-entering the dating scene after you have suffered a painful breakup is a very
difficult thing. Allowing yourself to be vulnerable in a new relationship and
“trusting” again may seem impossible. It takes time.
Losing someone through death and “dating again” can be an order of magnitude
more difficult. If you have lost someone in this way, but are ready to consider
“dating” I’d like to offer some “tips” on how to be ready to embark on this adventure.
My first “word” of advice would be the following: Consider that, whatever the “state”
of your relationship at the time your “significant other” left this world, you are
inevitably left with a feeling of unfinished business. In a “real time” concrete sense
you will never be able to complete that business. You will need to be at peace with
this
Perhaps the best way to feel “at peace” with a profound and “final” loss, is to spend
time in a “relationship life review” where you actually consider this significant
relationship from beginning to end. Who were you in the beginning of this
relationship and who did you become by the end of it? Looking at pictures and
sharing stories with others can be very helpful in this process

When we “relive” memories of people who have been an important part of our lives ,
it can be an important part of “letting them go” and creating a spaciousness in our
hearts for new relationships to grow. Its not that we ever “forget” anyone who was
once a part of our life, nor would we want to. It’s more a matter of keeping that
person safely inside of our hearts, and recognizing them for all that they were to
us…including all of their inperfections. In our own minds we can revisit our
memories anytime we want, but we still have plenty of space for new relationships
to grow.
Actually, the review of “past relationships” is important even if your former
partner is still alive. It just seems to take on more immediacy when you no longer
can “see” this person who was once a part of your daily life. Also, the work of
“review” is done all within your own head and depends on keeping that memory
alive. Memories can fade if we don’t reinforce them.