Some people have a lot of resistance to the idea of online dating. They give a lot of reasons, but one of the most interesting is this idea that a person may become too entrenched in the “single” life. The question is: “Am I too single to date? The thought is that maybe we can become too “radically self-reliant”, too “independent” and/or “strong willed” to think of allowing another person into our lives. The fear is that if we allow another person to share our lives, maybe that other person will keep us from being our own true self.

I’d like to flip this idea on its head and suggest that if you are very independent and know how to take care of yourself, this can actually be a great asset in terms of finding the right person to date.

First of all, if you are financially independent and maybe even live on your own, this means you know how to take care of yourself. You are not then looking to find someone to take care of you, It is a position of strength to not desperately need someone but rather just to want someone. If you are invested in your own independence, you will probably be looking for someone who also values his/her independence. It evens the “playing field” and makes it possible to start out on an equal footing,

Secondly, if you have been “single” for a while, it usually means you have spent time figuring out who you are and what you want. You know, for example, what your “non negotiables” are when it comes to finding someone you can spend time with. Maybe you can’t bear to be with someone who smokes, for example. You can be very assertive in online dating about just saying this outright. Who are you and what do you really want?

My last point is that when you are dating as someone who is decidedly “single” you have the gift of time, which is probably the greatest gift of all. You can take things slow and easy as you figure out who is right for you. Even the “biological clock” doesn’t have to rush you. We are in a world of modern alternatives for making a family.

So…. go for it…get started with online dating. As human beings we are built to be social. We do well in relationship. This is well documented in studies of Happiness cross culturally.

If you are out of practice…that’s Ok. Online dating is all about practice…and you have the time