I recently had a conversation with a good friend concerning her upcoming breast cancer surgery.  Although her prospects for complete recovery were, and are, excellent…she was still having a difficult time…emotionally.  Her feelings centered mostly on the loss of a vital part of her identity and her fear that her sense of herself would forever be altered. As we spoke about this fear in more depth I began to think more and more about how much of our identity is wrapped up in physical appearance.  Sadly, this is still more true of females than males in this culture…even with the “body positive” movement that has emerged from the Eating Disorders Community.

Our Bodies are always changing

The reality is, of course, that our bodies are always changing as we age. Life experience etches itself into our faces and the bloom of youth fades as it is slowly replaced by the physical presence of our older and wiser selves.  The difference with my friend facing surgery is that this will be a rapid change, so the adjustment feels more daunting, more immediate, more overwhelming.

Start With Gratitude

Getting back to my friend facing surgery, our conversation drifted to her feelings about how her breasts were a part of her body that she truly loved.  They had served her well during her breastfeeding years, and they were a key part of her identity as a woman. Now, she had to say goodbye to them. Not only was it scary. It was also sad. As she was describing this sadness…I found myself saying to her: ”Why don’t you thank your breasts for their service as a part of your goodbye Maybe you can explain to your body that this surgery is necessary right now but you have picked a surgeon who will be as careful and skilled as possible.

Treat your body As The Good Friend It Has Been To You These Many Years

It may seem like a strange thing to treat your body as though it were some kind of a separate entity but actually it kind of is.  Just as we have relationships with other human beings or animals, so to we have a relationship to the body that “houses” our very self.  We can treat our body with great respect and love by feeding it in a healthy way, and taking care of it when it’s sick. Or we can neglect it, abuse it, and not “listen” when it signals what it needs. “Self” care is up to each of us.

So….why not have the Conversation?

Spend time quietly with yourself as you listen to what your body is trying to tell you?  Build up awareness of how each body part is doing, by just focusing in specifically on that part of your body and asking what it needs.  Listen to your body when it tells you to relax, slow down, or sleep. What you will find is that your positive feeling about your own body, and the level of care you give it will be the best possible first step for creating healthy relationships with others.