One of my favorite series on Netflix is called “Working Moms”. It’s basically about a group of working mothers in Canada who meet weekly to talk about juggling their careers and motherhood.
I recently watched an episode that featured a single dad who was asking this group of moms about the concept of “consent”. Apparently he had been on a date and was confused because he asked “permission” before he initiated any physical touch…and he was accused of being “boring and unassertive”
The group tossed around ideas about the meaning of “consent”, and a few women admitted that they sort of enjoyed being “pursued” by a man. Did the need to obtain “consent” mean an end to flirtation and playfulness, they wondered? Where was the fine line between feeling desired, and sought after…. and aggressively “stalked”?
These days I don’t think the answers to these questions are clear cut. The dating “contract” between two people in the era of “me too”is in the process of significant renegotiation. The same rules as before just don’t apply.
So…. I’m thinking that if you are embarking on the project of online dating, its probably a good idea to make a discussion of “consent” part of the “getting to know one another” phase.
- How do you each feel about the importance of consent?
- Has either of you had bad experiences with lack of consent?
- What is a comfortable way to communicate with one another non-verbally as well as verbally about the “comfort level” of what is going on in the “physical” realm?
It seems like if there is a mutual understanding about how each person feels and what the “rules” are, there can be plenty of room for flirtation and spontaneity within the structure
Just talk about it!!