Monthly Archives: May 2020

The Perks of “Dating” online

Posted on by
Reply

Many aspects of our lives have been affected by recent “shelter in place” and quarantine directives.  Among the changes and adjustments we have had to make concern the world of “dating”.   Sure…. we’ve had online and mobile dating apps for a while.  What’s different now, though, is that there is an indefinite time between “meeting” someone new online and then following up by meeting them in person. Is this a good thing, or a bad thing?  

Actually, in some ways I think a prolonged period of getting to know someone “virtually”, can be a good thing. “Slowing down” the process of courtship may allow two people to get to know one another on a deeper more intimate level before the “chemistry” of attraction complicates things.  You may even find yourself feeling that its “safer” emotionally to be more vulnerable and “open” than you might allow yourself to be in person.  The key is to focus on really being your true self, rather than who you might like to be, or think you “should” be. 

IN OTHER WORDS, BE AUTHENTIC

Authenticity means being real, and maybe even flying your “freak flag” around a bit.

It means allowing yourself to be imperfect, and even humanly flawed.

It also means not covering up or changing anything about yourself, based on what you think might be “better” or more acceptable to the person you are talking to.

With prolonged “online” relationships, the stakes are not so high, and you are less likely to be hurt when things don’t work out. If you have not yet invested your “body” in a relationship, you can “let go” more easily.

OTHER ADVANTAGES TO MORE EXTENDED ONLINE DATING?

How about the fact that you can take a “deep dive” into being curious about this other person very early on in the relationship?  You can find out if they are really “right” for you as a lifelong romantic partner before you make the physical commitment.  Maybe this person is great as a “friend” but that’s as far as it will go…and that’s OK.  Maybe you will find yourself making an excellent lifelong friend.

There is nothing wrong with that.

TAKING IT TO THE NEXT LEVEL

If this turns out to be a relationship that holds promise for you both, there will come a time when you’ll meet in person. At this point you will have already become “friends” in a more emotionally intimate, committed sense. Starting a more romantic relationship as good friends is a great way to start.

Ironically, the pandemic which has forced so many of us to forgo physical connection for a time, may have something to teach us about how to have more secure physical/emotional relationships in the long run.

Overcoming Loneliness…Well Worth The Investment

Posted on by
Reply

Why Relationships Are Important To Your Health

The latest AARP bulletin identifies  “loneliness” as a growing epidemic among our elder population.   During the holidays, when the emphasis is put so squarely on connecting with family and friends, its important to remember that not all of us are spending time in the safe and warm cocoon of these vital connections.  Research on physical and emotional “well being” and longevity strongly points to the importance of human relationships as the glue that holds us all together. This “glue” refers to our friendships, our families, and our most intimate romantic connections. Simply put…humans are “social” creatures from cradle to grave.  When we are deprived of close physical and emotional relationships, the body begins to shut down and there is a “failure to thrive” that is evident at a cellular level in humans.  Our immune systems are compromised and we may succumb to opportunistic infections and maladies.  

What Can Be Done To Combat Isolation in Others and Ourselves?

  • The first step is just simple awareness of feeling “alone” and isolated.  The definition of “loneliness” does not necessarily mean that you are always lonely when you are alone. The subjective “feeling” of loneliness is much more about feeling disconnected and misunderstood even when you are physically connected to another person. We are familiar with the concept of a “lonely” marriage for example.
  • If you find yourself consistently lonely weather or not you have people around you…start researching groups or locations where you might find like-minded people.  It could be anything…doesn’t matter.  If you’re finding it difficult to find your “tribe”…it might be because you have not spent enough time building a relationship with yourself.  Who are you? What do you like? What kinds of activities bring you joy and fulfillment? Begin slowly conversing with people as you engage in activities.  It gets easier and easier.
  •  Are there people from your past who you’ve lost touch with?  If so.. Spend some time rediscovering them.  In the process. You will rediscover yourself.
  •  Last but not least…offer yourself up as a volunteer with others who are lonely.  Volunteer in a Senior Center or Assisted care facility.  You will find it enormously rewarding.

Just remember…its never too late to nurture an active and fulfilling social life.  You won’t regret it