As we emerge out of “hiding” after the pandemic, many people report feeling lonely and “unconnected” to the “in person” social environment.  During the worst of our collective quarantine, the use of social media and other video platforms meant that we could still be in touch with one another…but somehow it just wasn’t the same. Research actually backs this up and it is especially evident with our school-aged children who have had more than a year of social development “stolen” from them.  It makes sense. As human beings we are social creatures and this need for social contact is wired into our nervous system. Simply put, feelings of connection and “belonging” to one other person or to a larger community of people, depend on us being physically present with one another…at least some of the time.

So, how do we start the process of reconnecting when we are out of  “practice”? We may think that social engagement should be easy and intuitive, but the truth is it takes practice. You have to get “out there” and build up your social engagement muscles once again. 

Here are some tips:

• Start reconnecting with people slowly…one on one or in small groups
• Focus on your listening skills, rather that talking exclusively about yourself. What most people crave is that listening and non-judgmental ear. You will find that the opportunity to speak about yourself occurs naturally when you make space for your companion.
• Remember that no one really enjoys listening to a “complainer”.  Again, if you are asked how you are doing…you don’t need to be inauthentic and pretend everything is fine. You also don’t need to “lead off” a conversation with complaints.  Try to achieve a balance of “positivity” in your interchanges.
• When listening to another person, avoid the habit of interrupting them. You may feel that you have a personal story that connects and you want to share your story.  But just wait…. give space.
• Last but not least, it’s such a good idea to verbally express appreciation for being in the presence of this person or these people. It feels good to be appreciated and this will enhance your connection. 

If you are thinking of re entering the dating world, but have not been too connected to anyone lately, it makes sense to hone your “friendship building” skills first.  Maybe one of your “friendships” will blossom into something else…maybe not…but you still have a new friend.