I recently recalled something from my childhood that had been buried in my subconscious for many years.  It is my belief that old memories resurface for a reason, so I always pay attention to them.  In this case, the memory that resurfaced was something my mom used to say to me whenever I ran into conflict with a friend, a teacher, or some other authority figure in my life. Specifically, if I complained to my mother that I had been “wronged” in some way, she would say: “You need to look to yourself and see what you have done wrong”.  She was my mother so I believed her and always felt I was at fault completely in conflict situations. From this belief flowed the belief that I’m essentially not as good as other people…and this belief became the core of my low self esteem and lack of confidence.

Don’t get me wrong.  I’m all for taking responsibility for my part when I have an issue with someone or some institution.  Blaming someone else for something you have done is in fact one of my “pet peeves”.  However, it’s also not useful to always take all of the blame, when some portion does not belong to you.  A good example of this would be in the case of an auto accident when both parties share a percentage of the blame in many cases.

The memory of my mother and her “look to yourself” refrain, led me to the insight that I’ve limited myself in various ways over my lifetime just because I don’t always believe in myself or trust myself when others challenge me.  I have become risk averse and have expended unnecessary energy “second guessing” my decisions. I have given away power to people and then resented them for it.None of this is healthy, so I’ve made the decision to turn it around.

So, here’s the thing:

Neuroscience has taught us that there is a concept called “neuroplasticity”, which means that our brains are very powerful, and we can intentionally change a toxic core belief.  The trick is to figure out what that toxic core belief is. We do this by inviting an inner dialog during times of quiet contemplation. Ask yourself why you are so afraid to try something new, or why you believe you can’t master something. Who first told you this, or why did you make this assumption?  

If you want to change the core belief, find a statement that contradicts it, (sometimes referred to as an affirmation), and reprogram your mind by repeating this new statement over and over internally. Gradually the old belief will dissolve, as it cannot coexist with the new belief. 

Don’t be discouraged if a toxic belief is hard to dislodge.  This belief has been wired into your neurotransmitters for many years in some cases. 

Be persistent. Be patient. You are way more powerful than you might think