A common practice as the New Year approaches is the listing of “new year’s resolutions”.  I myself have engaged in this practice in previous years, but I’m not doing that this year.  At least I’m not doing it in the same way as before. This year I’m “flipping the script” a bit, because I’ve found that focusing so intently on how I need to “improve” myself either thru lifestyle choices or some other personal behavior, I’m setting myself up for failure from the “get go”.  Why is this?

I think its because the process of New Year’s resolutions is, by its very nature, an “ I’m not good enough” mindset. Think about it.  I’m already starting from a place of deficit and this only feeds all of my insecurities.  The result for me in the past has been downward spiral of negativity. As the New Year begins I’m already feeling inadequate and I tend to create for myself the exact conditions for proving this belief about myself to myself and to the world at large.  This is the essence of “self sabotage”

This year, what I’m going to do instead of New Years resolutions, is a much more in depth and balanced “review” or “debrief” of my life in the past year.  What has gone right?  What can I be proud of? Where are the areas of my life where I can do better?  Starting with the positive is extremely important, because it puts   the complete picture of me into a reasonable perspective.  Beginning with a positive and “growth” oriented sense of myself is crucial because I need the “fuel” of positivity in order to believe in myself and push forward to constantly create a better version of “me”.  Making changes is hard and feels risky at times.  The question that comes up is always….” what if I can’t do it?  What then?  Well, if you “can’t do it”, maybe you try again, or maybe you revise the expectation you have of yourself.  You need the essential core belief of  “I am enough” to get through any kind of change.

So, this year I urge you to do a balanced “life review” instead of New Years resolutions.  In the AA community they talk about doing a “fearless inventory” as a part of the 12-step process of recovery from substance abuse.  I love this idea because it means we can be honest and transparent with ourselves when assessing our shortcomings…. but I believe the fearless inventory should come after shoring ourselves up internally with positive feelings about ourselves. If, at the core, we can believe we are good, caring, people…we don’t have to “fear” those darker, “shadowy” parts of ourselves.  They are not “all” of us, only a “part” of who we are.  We can bring them into the light and embrace our truer, and fuller “self”.

It’s a worthwhile exercise, so take your time with it.

Happy New Year!!