In my 7th decade of life, I find myself increasingly prone to reminisce about the past. Sometimes I really enjoy this endeavor, but other times I experience the uncomfortable feeling of regret.  I may find myself regretting some decision I made, or I may regret the way I treated people who are long gone. In either case, I’m stuck. I can’t change anything from the past, and that leads me to another feeling. I remember clearly who I actually was in the past….when I was younger…and I miss that person. I wonder why I did not appreciate who I was when I was clearly a “young” person. Did I not understand that time was fleeting, and I should make the most of every day?  Did I not fully grasp that I had my “whole life ahead of me” and I should be grateful for that very fact?  No, I did not.  It is only now…these many years later that I look back longingly and find myself falling into the depressing mindset that “those were the good old days”.  Those days will never return and there is simply no way to alter that fact.  Added to this, aging can be difficult, because at some point we all have to reconcile with the reality that there are fewer days ahead of us than there are days behind us.  It’s a sobering thought.

I’ve recently found a way out of the “depressing” mindset that the reality of aging can sometimes put me in. If I project myself forward 10, 15, or 20 years (god willing) I wonder what I will be saying to myself about my seventy something year old version of me.  I suspect that I will be saying the exact same thing to to my seventy something self that I said to my 25 year old self when I was in my seventies.  I will wonder why I did not appreciate being in my seventies more.  Why did I wallow so much in regret?  Why did I long for bygone days?  Such a waste.

These days my new mantra is:  “these are the good old days”…. right here and right now.  Now more than ever, its important to savor, appreciate, and live life to its fullest. 

I recently had a talk with a good friend of mine who is recently widowed, in her mid eighties, and learning to live on her own for the first time in sixty years. She does not deny her grief, but she also does not allow it to stop her from living life to its fullest. Grief is a part of life…something we must all come to terms with at some point.  It is also a testament to the importance of our relationships…part of the relationship package if you will.

My friend told me that the best piece of advice she got about “moving on” after losing her husband was to say “yes” whenever a new opportunity presented itself. 

I take this in a broader sense to say….”Say yes to life!!” Everything you say “yes” too will not excite and delight you…. but some experiences will be unforgettable, and you would have missed them if you said no.

So say yes, yes, yes…..cause these are the good old days!

I grew up in a very academically competitive environment. As a professor’s daughter living in the area around a highly regarded University, the assumption was that I too would excel in all of my academic studies. I wanted too…but I couldn’t and I had very low self-esteem as a result. “What’s wrong with me?”, I would ask myself. “I guess I’m just not good enough” was the conclusion I reached.

I feel very differently about my plight as a young person as I look back on it now. In the fullness of time I have been a teacher, a mother, and a therapist. I know what I value in people I have known over the years.  I know what it is I miss if they pass on, or somehow are not a part of my life anymore. 

Contrary to my core beliefs as a young person, who always looked to people who were “smart”, “witty”, and good at verbal sparring,  I no longer automatically revere people who “know stuff”.  I no longer look exclusively to these folks to help me understand the world or solve my own personal issues. Over the years I have noticed that I did not always end up feeling good about myself, if I used “smart” people as my source.

Don’t get me wrong. I’m definitely intellectually curious, and I’m infinitely grateful for the scientists and researchers who are committed to healing mankind. We need these folks. I love to read the books, hear about discoveries, or listen to talks. I do admire intellect…. but it is not necessarily healing and inspiring for me.

As I reach the third act of my life however, and review all of the memories of the people who have been important to me, I think of the phrase “Its not what you know, its who you are”

I think this is what really matters in the end.

Its awesome if you know things, study things, and are able to contribute to the human knowledge base, but if you don’t communicate and connect with people, as well as listen to them, and show respect for who they are, I’m not much interested in having a relationship with you. 

I’m “over it, when it comes to being “impressed “ (read” intimidated”) with people, or when it comes to trying to “impress” people. That’s in my past. Nowadays I hope I can strive to be the kind of person who people remember and want to be around because of who I am…not because of what I know.