The other day I finally tackled a job I have been putting off for a long time. I finally decided it was time to go through my clothes closet and get rid of anything that “no longer served me”.  In order to accomplish this task, I set aside two hours, put on my favorite “happy” music, and put everything out on my bed for careful consideration. So what drove me to this crisis point? It was frustration, plain and simple.  In recent weeks I have been unable to “find” particular items that I “know I have” but somehow seem to have disappeared. My wiser self knows that these items have not really disappeared.  I did not throw them out or give them away. No. These items were somehow hidden deep within the black hole that my closet had become. I had to find these lost items. The only way to find what is lost is to look through everything.

MY UNEXPECTED TREASURE HUNT

 As I began the slow and deliberate process of going through clothes I had been basically “hoarding” over the past 7-10 years, I found myself in a curious almost meditative trance of sorts.  Each item of clothing had a story behind it.  The stories varied of course.  Sometimes I found things that represented some earlier version of me that was heavier or lighter or certainly younger.  Sometimes I found things that had been given to me that I either never really liked, or I found things people gave me that I actually love but had forgotten about.  Whatever the “story” behind an item of clothing, I came away from this experience with a rich narrative about my life and how it had evolved over the years. I realized that we carry within us an amazing history of life experiences, but we sometimes forget everything that led us to who we are now. In my closet treasure hunt I also found books that had inspired me 5 or 10 years ago. As I looked through those books I found some hidden gems of information that are still relevant, or maybe even more relevant now.

GRIEF AND LOSS

A big part of my treasure hunt had to do with coming across items of clothing that are no longer appropriate for an older me. I have to “let go” of that younger me, as I carefully set aside clothes that I will donate.  It is my hope that these clothes will find a new home with someone who will see them as a “treasure”.  These clothes will have a new life…and this thought brings me joy as I realize that it is another manifestation of life’s continuity. My grief also emerged as I found clothing given to me by folks who are no longer alive.  I won’t give these things away. They become my memorial…weather on not I wear them.

SEEING MYSELF ANEW

Now that I have a “new” closet I am really happy every time I go there to decide what to wear.  It’s such a joy to be able to “see” everything and see all those things I thought I had lost. The trick now will be to keep things in the order they are in now. I know myself and know my tendency toward entropy, but I think I can set a new intention just by being present and mindful. I’m looking at clothes as a part of self-expression and deserving of my respect…. just as I need to take care of and respect myself through self-care.  It is in fact a part of self-care.

I highly recommend this project to anyone who knows this is something they need to do, but have been putting it off.

Do it!!