In the field of human neurobiology, there is plenty of evidence to suggest that a dedicated meditation practice can really help with the chronic anxiety that many of us feel. Meditation calms and focuses the mind and helps regulate our emotions so that we don’t unnecessarily throw ourselves into a panic.  Insidiously, our anxiety often emerges because we fear that something will happen….when in fact nothing at all has happened yet.  Often the dreaded event never happens at all, but the rush of cortisone and adrenaline that floods our body in anticipation of this terrible thing takes a toll on the nervous system.  Also…it just doesn’t feel good.  People who meditate regularly report that they are able to deal with stress, fear, and uncertainty with much less reactivity. The lessened “reactivity” also allows for much better problem solving if there is an emergency situation

A less well-known kind of meditation is called “Loving Kindness” meditation.  In more standard meditations you might focus on calming your body and mind and following your breath.  In contrast, Loving-kindness meditations are guided meditations, where you simply listen to a soothing voice speaking kind affirmations about your inherent worth, or your basic kindness.  The voice might also urge you to forgive yourself for your imperfections or the times you were not at your best. The message is essentially, you are really ok.  There is nothing wrong with you.

Adding a “Loving Kindness” meditation to an ongoing practice will help you to respond to yourself with love and self-compassion whenever you have a thought that you have failed, or you are not “good enough”.  You have in effect “preloaded” your mind with positivity about yourself, and “habituated your negative thoughts to expect, and get, a kind response”…from YOU.

So, “inner critic”…you need to step aside.  Next time you try to tell me that I’m “bad” or “stupid” because I’m not perfect and have made a mistake. .. know that I will be listening to a different voice…a kind and forgiving voice and it’s getting louder.  Soon I will not hear you at all.

I just got back from a two-week vacation.  Overall, the time away was good…but it was not perfect.  This is how it always goes.  Some expectations I had were not realized, a few minor “crisis” moments occurred, and there were a few unexpected “magical” moments as well.

Upon my return it occurred to me that my vacation was emblematic of how life is.  As our lives unfold things often don’t go “as planned”.  We rail against this reality of course, claiming that things “should” go the way we have envisioned them.  We also compare our lives to those of others….wondering why others seem to achieve the things that elude us.

The solution to this self-imposed feeling that life can be “unfair” is simple…and yet often difficult to accept.  We must somehow embrace the mindset of “being ok with what is”. Its no good to “wish” it weren’t so.  That endeavor is a waste of time and gets you nowhere.

Here are a few ideas that might help get us into the mindset of acceptance:

• Know that whatever is going on right now will not go on forever.  “This too shall pass” can be a helpful mantra during times of difficulty
• Know also that what may seem negative and difficult in this moment may be leading the way for something even better than what we can imagine right now.  It helps to recall times in our lives when something seemingly negative did exactly this.
• Know also that the experiences where we regret something we may have done are opportunities to learn lessons.  That is after all what life is all about.
• We should really get “over” ourselves. None of us is actually so special that we can expect life to be easy and trouble free. It’s also true that we should forgive ourselves when we can see that some of our difficulties are in fact self-created.  Knowing this means that we can employ the “lessons learned” adage and try to do better next time.

Above all, its important to remember that life is short and none of us knows for sure how much of it is ahead of us.  This becomes more and more true the older you get.

So….I now say to myself as well as to you…learn from your past, forgive yourself and others, and then just “let go” into a future that gives all of us new opportunities every day.