Human beings are a thinking species.  The quality of having a brain that can accomplish marvelous feats, solve difficult problems, and communicate with others, is truly an amazing thing.  As humans, we are set apart from other living species because of our ability to do this “thinking” thing. 

I would argue, however, that our brains can also get us into a lot of trouble and cause us a lot of emotional distress.

Why is this?

Neuroscience offers an answer that is not only fascinating but also gives us a way to bring our minds under control when it feels as though we can’t stop thinking about the things that we don’t want to think about. Our minds do this to us right?  Sometimes we find ourselves with unwanted, unhelpful thoughts that bring us fear and anxiety.  These thoughts seem to have a “mind of their own” and can thus be labeled as “automatic” thoughts.”

What I am describing above is the process of “catastrophizing”.  It is also known as “what if” thinking, because new thoughts keep arising that begin with the two words “what if”.  For example, maybe I come down with a cold.  I get scared and I think, “what if its covid?” What if I can’t go on that trip I planned?” “What if I never get better?”

None of these thoughts are true..right? At least none are true in the moment.  The problem is that they feel true to me. I can actually convince myself that all those thoughts are true.  Now I feel depressed and hopeless.

So, back to neuroscience, it teaches us that the human brain has many neural networks that come into play at various times. When we are deep into the flow of tackling a problem, accomplishing a physical feat, or doing our math homework…the brain employs its regular networks. This is especially true if we are engaged in doing something we love…or at least something we do well and brings us pleasure.

The problem comes in when we are flooded with thoughts that are related to ourselves and our ability to stay “safe” in any given situation.  For example, If we see something, and our minds tell us it could be a snake, or if we become unsure of ourselves in a particular interpersonal situation, the “fight/flight” default network comes online.  We may panic a  bit, and our minds may become over reactive.  We become afraid, even if the “snake” turns out to be a piece of rope. 

Evolutionarily speaking, the default network that registers “danger” in certain situations makes a lot of sense. There are times when we need the adrenaline to get our bodies to mobilize quickly

In our modern world, however, the neural network that produces the thoughts that cause fear, has become “over determined”.  A motorist who “cuts us off” does not represent any danger to us even though it feels this way. It feels as though being late for an appointment is somehow a dangerous or threatening thing. In truth, it is not. 

There are things you can do to quiet down your active mind, and help you see things realistically.  Here are some steps you can follow:

• When you first have the thought that you may be in danger, say to yourself several times, “I’m having a thought.  It’s just a thought.  It’s not automatically the truth.
• If you can take a moment to disrupt the thought by merely questioning it, you are already ahead of the game.
• Ask yourself, “Is it possible that there is no danger here?  How do I know for sure that there is danger? 
• Take a a deep breath and then take a moment to evaluate the evidence of true danger.  Now make an informed decision.
•  

If you can  just take the time to “slow down” your overactive nervous system and bring your calm and collected self  online, you will be able to discern weather or not you need to take action quickly to avert danger.

Trust yourself. 

You got this.

Mindfulness meditation practices aim to teach the meditator how to accept the reality of “what is” rather than engaging in the  fruitless practice of “wishing” things could be different.  Achieving a high level of acceptance is especially difficult when life seems particularly “unfair”.  We all struggle with this.  Its human nature, after all, to envision the way we would like things to unfold. We hold expectations, which are often unconscious, about the way the world “should” be and we sometimes waste a lot of energy on the negative emotions of resentment, disappointment and anger.  Alternatively, we may try to deny certain difficult realities or “escape” from uncomfortable feelings through the use of substances or other addictions.

Mindfulness practice offers another way to confront and metabolize our unwanted circumstances and difficult feelings. During a guided meditation we are encouraged to actually “feel” the way we do, and allow that feeling to land in our body.  Over time the meditator learns that his/her feelings are valid but they do not need to be overwhelming.  In fact, much of the suffering of anxiety is because we resist the way we really feel.  In the words of Carl Jung, “what you resist persists”. If you allow the feeling it will usually fade over time.  This may seems counterintuitive but it is true.  As humans, we are actually more flexible and adaptive than we think.  We do get over things and we are capable of growth….even growth after trauma.

It is a common fallacy that the principle of “acceptance” means that one should be passive when life is unfair or unjust…to us or to others.  There are times when action is called for and actions can be effective and healing.  The trick is to know the difference between the things we can change, and the things we can’t. For example, I can’t change my height or my inheritance of certain genetic traits.  Most importantly, I can’t directly change the people in my life.  I may be able to influence them, but that is no guarantee that they will “change” in the way I like. 

Whenever I am up against the dilemma of figuring out if I can change something I don’t like….I remember “The Serenity Prayer”, one of the great gifts of the Alcoholics Anonymous movement.  People with substance abuse problems have often chosen to anesthetize themselves against difficult feelings, so that when they get sober a lot of feelings can surface.  It can be overwhelming to work through these feelings and to figure out how to lead a sober life.  The serenity prayer helps with this process., It can help all of us.  It goes like this: 

God give me the Serenity to accept the things I cannot change

The Courage to change the things I can

And the Wisdom to know the difference.

This prayer is simple and yet profound.  I hope it can help you the way it has helped me