“It Seems to me some fine things have been laid upon your table. But you always want the things that you can’t have” (From the Eagles song “Desperado” 1971)

Recently, I experienced extreme disappointment when life did not unfold the way I had hoped.  Lets be honest here.  I did not only hope a particular outcome would occur.  I expected it.  I counted on it.  In retrospect, how arrogant am I anyway? Life does not revolve around me.

For several days I was quite inconsolable.  I was angry. I pretty much shut myself off from everyone. Then when I awoke one morning, I heard the above referenced refrain from the Eagles song “Desperado”  singing itself within my mind. I thought about “all of the fine things” that had been laid upon my table and I began to realize how rich and full the life that I have actually is.  Why could I not remember all the “good” when I was feeling this disappointment?

For me, the meaning of the Eagles song has to do with the way we often shut ourselves off and blame an “unfair” world when life does not conform to the way we would like it to be…or the way we think it should be.  From this place of anger, our hearts will also shut down.  We can become emotionally unavailable to ourselves and to others.  We can grow emotionally numb.  I understand this. It’s a defensive posture wherein we are trying to somehow keep ourselves safe and untouchable.  It doesn’t work.  In the Eagles song, the “desperado” is in fact desperate for love at the same time he has shut himself off from the possibility of receiving it. I also relate to the following line in the song:  “You better let somebody love you before it’s too late”. When you decide to remain in a negative and hopeless/helpless “all is lost” mindset for a period of time, people will cease to be around you.  It’s just the way it works.

So what is the answer here?

I have come to believe that the answer begins with acknowledging our grief.  In my case I needed to grieve that the world I thought I lived in did not in fact exist.  I have to take some responsibility for this.  Maybe the evidence was there to suggest that life would not unfold in the way I wanted. I ignored this evidence. It’s humbling for me to admit this, but its also cleansing because I know what I need to forgive myself for  

I’m working on the next step right now.  Its time to open my heart up once again, and be grateful for the things I know I can count on.  These things include my family, my friends, my work, and my purpose in life more broadly. I have to believe everything will be ok in the end and its time to re engage in whatever I can do to make the world a better place.