Every once in awhile it make sense to take stock of the life we are living. For many of us this can be a painful process of figuring out what is “working” as opposed to what is “not working”. Once we get this “figured out”, the next task becomes what to do about the parts of our life that are not going the way we would like.  This is not easy of course. Life is often lived somewhat “robotically” in a sense.  We have deeply ingrained habits that are familiar to us, and change can feel overwhelming and confusing.  Where do we start?

I’d like to suggest that the best way to start thinking about personal change is to begin a process of honest inquiry about how we got to where we are now.  What decisions did we make along the way that led to where we are now?  If we can approach that question with genuine and compassionate curiosity rather than harsh judgment and self-recrimination, we have opened the door to a world of creative problem solving that will ultimately lead to the changes we need to make.

Basically I am advocating for becoming your own best friend as you look at the life you have created.  You created this life through the millions of small decisions you made over the course of your life. Have compassion for yourself as you realize you were doing the best you could at the time.  Isn’t this what you would tell your best friend? Why would you not tell yourself the same thing?

If you get “stuck” in the process of trying to create the life you want, remember that help is available.  All of us need this kind of help from time to time. “Help” might mean your friends, or a therapist. Either way, don’t hesitate to reach out.

Before you do reach out for help though, know that the time you spend viewing yourself with love and compassion, rather than beating up on yourself will put you in the best position to benefit from any kind of help from the outside.  Starting from the position of “self love” allows you to see yourself with honesty and clarity. This is a prerequisite for change.