The Golden Key To Long Life And Happiness

 

Sustained Happiness

Recently there has been a proliferation of research regarding the nature of “Happiness”…that elusive state of mind that we all crave. Much of this research comes from the relatively new field of “Positive” psychology. The research methodology often involves compiling “self report” surveys from all over the world. The main question asked of people recruited for the survey is very simple. It is usually some variation of   “How happy are you, and to what do you attribute your level of happiness? Research subjects are given general categories from which to choose including health, wealth, spiritual practice, relationships with family and friends…etc. The findings after upwards of 15 years of this kind of research are shocking…but not altogether surprising.

General Findings Of Happiness Research

As compared with middle age adults in other highly industrialized countries, Americans rate extremely low on the “happiness” scale. Our rates of anxiety and depression are sky high. At the same time we have disturbingly high rates of “mood” disorder and general discontent, we also spend the most money trying to solve our “happiness problem”. Common attempts to “feel better” include buying the latest technological toy, taking exotic and exciting vacations, working on improving our bodies, engaging in numerous “self help” activities, and taking psychiatric medications. Overall these attempts appear not to be working. At the very least, the results don’t seem to last.

So…What’s Wrong With This Picture?

To put it simply…in popular American culture, many of us seem to be seeking happiness in all the wrong places. We would do well to look at the activities and values of people in other parts of the world who report higher levels of happiness…as well as looking at populations in the United States who report higher long-term levels of happiness. When researchers did exactly this, here is what they found:

The Top Three Characteristics Of People Who Report High Levels Of Happiness

  1. The happiest amongst us consistently report that they enjoy meaningful, intimate, relationships with family and/or friends
  2. A higher degree of contentment is correlated with those who have found a sense of purpose in their lives. This can be achieved either through work that is more of a “calling”, or really anything that one can feel passionate about
  3. A belief in something that is greater than the “self” also brings about a sense of peace and acceptance. Anxieties are “soothed” by this idea, and it does not necessarily mean the belief in any particular religious ideology…although it could.
  4. People who know how to re-write their life story are happier and probably have a longer, healthier life!

Importance of Relationship

The good news is that improving your relationships is something anybody can do at any time. It doesn’t take huge amounts of money unless you are amongst those who really need to work on how to connect with others. Here are some steps you might consider:

  1. Assess your current relationship environment. Does everyone you deal with on a daily basis add value to your life? If not consider gently letting go of those who do not. This could even mean changing jobs if you are forced to work in a hostile environment
  2. Consider reconnecting with people from your past. These people are like “gold” because they can help you reconnect with lost parts of yourself that can enrich your present sense of yourself
  3. Nurture your relationships every day. Don’t be afraid to be the first to call. If you find you are “working too hard” to keep something going though, this is another sign you may need to let a relationship go
  4. Don’t forget to be your own best friend. Spend time alone getting to know yourself in an atmosphere of quiet contemplation. Become curious and interested in the world through whatever “portal” makes sense to you (such as books, movies, nature) This will make you interesting to others and people will want to be around you.

Live Long And Thrive

I’m aware this is the Kaiser tag line, but I’m gonna borrow it because I like it. The longest living amongst us always report that they derive energy and the “will to live” through their relationships. As an added bonus, successful long-term romantic relationships often begin as deep committed friendships. Friendship is the fertile soil out of which intimacy sprouts and flourishes.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Just..be curious Good advice for the female brain

Just…Be Curious

Good Advice For The Female Brain

I’m not gonna lie….I have occasional bouts with anxiety.  It comes and goes according to its own agenda depending on the circumstances of my life, but it manefests usually as “anticipatory anxiety”.  That is to say, I am a victim of “What If” thinking…The catastrophic world of my imagination is far worse than anything that has ever actually happened. When the “bad” stuff happens,  its never what I expect or when I expect it.  Talk about being your own worst enemy!

What I have learned recently from Dr. Daniel Amen, who is a well  known neuropsychologist, is that the female brain is actually wired to encode anticipatory anxiety at a neurological level.  This can be seen in brain scans done on adult females and then comparing them to male brain scans.  Statistically speaking, the female brain “lights up” much more than the male brain in the area of emotional arousal, and emotional memory.  Female brains are actually much more active than male brains, but not necessarily in an adaptive way.  Perhaps, evolutionarily speaking, it was once an advantage for female tribe members to be acutely sensitive to legitimate threat to the tribe. She had to protect her babies.  Now, however, acute “hypervigalence” can get in the way as modern women react to “perceived threat”.  Now the threat  exists inside of us.  It has become “internalized” and our feelings of panic are easily triggered as our emotional memory “brings back up” all previous memories of times we have felt “like this”.  The neural pathways then become reinforced, and we are easily set off again.  The problem is that this type of sustained anxiety floods the body with adrenaline and cortisol and these stress hormones are harmful to our overall physical and mental health.

So, what can we do?  To answer this question I draw upon the wise words of Dr. Harville Hendrix, a theologian and psychologist, who has been working with couples for 35 years and has written the books.  “Getting The Love You Want”, and “Keeping The Love You Get”.  Dr. Hendrix suggests that we women should become curious explorers of our own psyche when we are triggered by events and find ourselves in that place of extreme emotional reactivity. When the female brain is “Lit Up”, to use Dr. Amen’s language, the part of the brain that is fired up is located in the “limbic” system, which is where emotions are created, stored, and retrieved.  Our emotional memories can be lovely memories of a time when we were happy, contented, and loved.  Emotional memories can also create great suffering, and help us stay in some very dark places. Dr. Hendrix suggests that we can interrupt the emotional suffering by simply stepping away for a moment to become curious about ourselves.  We need only ask the question:  “I wonder why I am having such a reaction as this right now?” The asking of the question moves the brain from the limbic system to the neo cortex, where thinking and problem solving take place.  We can become calm and begin to explore ourselves more dispassionately. This is much like becoming your own best friend, or therapist.  Save yourself some cash!

So, try it if you like…..Im going to